What's exactly going on?

I’ve been thinking for few days what’s actually going on over here and there. Everyone is just silent, watching other parties from a distance. I feel like questioning myself ‘am I wrong?’. Even if I am, should the situation be like this? I really want to talk just to know why they do this to me and in what sense I was making it wrong..but I just can’t. Every time I want speak up, it’s like there is always something that forces me not to speak up. I don’t know what it is. It might be my intuition. It seems to say that even though I speak up, message them, or try to begin the conversation, I can just make everything even worse. It’s like saying that they don’t care about me. But maybe they think so. They think I don’t care to them instead. What is this? This happens for the first time in my life. I just can’t understand the way they think about me. Am I that bad? Am I too sinful to just getting ‘Hi’ from them? Do I change that much? Do I change into someone that doesn’t favor them? Yes maybe I am. But isn’t it too early to judge people even before you meet him or her? The more I try to make them happy, the more they think bad about me. I just can’t say it, neither show it. But in the deep of my heart I really feel it. No one knows how much I miss them, how much I want to talk to them, and how much I want them to be here. If only I can transfer all my thoughts to them by clicking on the button on the computer without saying anything directly, I would probably do that. Because even when I said it out loud, they just still judged me that bad.

I keep silent not because I don’t miss them..I really do..even more than theirs and what they think I do.